i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
