I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
