never play flip cup with pint glasses
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
