My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
