I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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