he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
