You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
