Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
