New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
