Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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