And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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