First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
