Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
