the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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