matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
