Are we in a gay sports bar?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
