babies were throwing up all over the place
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I could make wine with my vomit
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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