I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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