I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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