Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
