why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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