If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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