She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
