why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
