if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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