Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
