She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
