Can i not drive my cunt home
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
