I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
