I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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