I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Randomize
