he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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