i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
