btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
