I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
