Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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