You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
