He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
