I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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