please come you make the beer taste better
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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