you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
