Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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