im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
