for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
