she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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