hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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