He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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