Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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