at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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