Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize