Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
