It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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