careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
