just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
