He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
