so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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