i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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