why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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