Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
