the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
