Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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