I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
