Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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