I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
