I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
