Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
