Betty ford says i'm here all night
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
