I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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