$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
