Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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