My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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