Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
