so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
