I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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