Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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